Trip away continued ...

Well as I mentioned in my previous post, I am not the fittest, I am in fact of the larger build so when I was in line for rides I would check out whether any larger guys were getting on the ride etc so that I could avoid the embarrassing experience of waiting all that time, then making people wait while I was extracted because I was too big for the safety gear etc.

I also don't like photos taken of me because of my size, I always look waaay larger than I feel and it can lead to me getting a little down over it. Sorry what was that ? Yes I am doing something about it by going to the gym 4-5 days a week.

Anyway, out of the dozen rides I think I was kicked off one for being too big. Well I like to say that the equipment was too small. :-) Built for kids and women even.

I can't remember which ride it was exactly but it was one of those rides where the restraint comes down over your head and sits on your shoulders and over your chest. I pulled it down and it wouldn't let me clip in the belt so an attendant came over to apply some force on it.

Here I was sitting there, self conscious (again) and this attendant started leaning on this restraint. To my surprise I wasn't feeling any pressure on my belly, the place I expected it to be, but my chest, my upper chest to be exact. I then realised that it's not my gut stopping me it's the fact that my upper body dimensions are larger than the average joe.

I finally started to understand what my wife was telling me that whilst I was way overweight, I was solidly built, broad shoulders and a barrel chest (as a friend politely pointed out). Of course doing resistance training at the gym has helped there too.

I still need to lose the weight but I now realise that this image that I have/had of myself has been distorted, clouded by my weight, sure I have to lose weight but I will never be a lean thin luvin machine that society, the media says we should all be, that's not my body type, but instead I'll be a nice hunk of a man.

I can live with that.

An trip away

Well I recently went away with the family to some theme parks (and shopping) and found myself in some deep thought.

It sort of happened like this ......

At the airport this athletic african american guy who I had never met before called me buff. Now I am certainly not fit, quite the opposite so I wasn't sure what I was challenged by the most being told that I was or being told that I was by a guy.

Then a few days later I had a tour guide playfully tap me on the bum with the paperwork he was carrying. Now once again was I having trouble with the tap itself or the fact that he was in fact a guy.

Finally, there was the flight attendant on the way home, lovely guy, just not my type.

So there I was getting noticed by guys more than I have ever been in the past. Were they sensing something that I wasn't aware of ? Was I a candidate to suddenly become gay ?

So off I went and did some self analysis, Was I gay ? Well after reviewing all these feelings and thoughts I did come to a conclusion and it was even more interesting to me than I thought it would be.

YEP ! I do like the ladies and that's where I'm staying. So ok I'm not gay (my wife will be pleased) but what about this yearning to spend time with other males talking about those sensitive, private things that most men say you must be gay to want to talk about ?

Well the jury is still out but at this time I believe that there is a clear distinction that men need to understand. It's quite simple really. Being gay (or straight) is not about your ability, willingness or need to talk to other men about personal things no being straight or gay has nothing to do with that it's just about your sexual preference, that's all.

Remember that women do it all the time, does that make them all lesbians ? Whilst many men would like that to be the case, clearly not.

Sooner men accept that we can be caring and sensitive to other men (especially our sons) and not label them as gay or wooses etc sooner we can start to live a more fulfilling life.

The need and desire to be emotionally close with another human being (whether they be the same sex or not) is not a always a sexual thing, it's a part of being human.

Even rappers feel ...

I was listening to Eminems Mockingbird and found it quite interesting to hear that a person like Eminem repeating those expectations placed on many men by family and in particular society.

His perceived failure to meet these expectations is clearly shown in his lyrics :

It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the christmas presents up and stuck em' under the tree
And said some of em' were from me
'cause daddy couldn't buy em'
I'll never forget that Christmas
I sat up the whole night cryin'
'cause daddy felt like a bum
See daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time
Every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broken into and robbed
Or shot up on the block
And your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Tryin' to start a piggy bank for you so that you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars
Til someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your mama's heart
And it seemed like everything was starting to fall apart

I look forward to the day when men are no longer put under this kind of pressure and more importantly, provides the support structures to help them when it doesn't happen rather than them getting angry or depressed leading to serious consequences.

Stephanie Ramage

I was listening to an interview with Stephanie Ramage on Dads on the Air. An article that Stephanie wrote called Georgia's female-supremacist family courts was a great article and furthermore to hear her discuss these issues was fantastic.