I was reading a blog by a wonderful woman the other day that has stuck with me (Equal but different)
Did it hit a chord ? Sure. Can I understand ? Yes. Just like the simple truth that I am a man but I can still understand non gender specific feelings like fear, to be shunned, shame, guilt, even the "guilt" that you have done something wrong but haven't.
What struck me (so stupidly) was how the writer, Kim, was set upon. Now I understand that there were some apologies made but what I struggle with is this concept that "You have to put yourself in my shoes and understand my side of the story" and then completely negate what others feel etc. and not put themselves in others shoes as they demanded.
I understand that this is human nature. I also understand that there are people that have so much pain and/or anger they can never approach certain subjects without this "bias".
How can we ever know what it really like to be of the other gender really ? Is it really about gender ? Or is it really about human nature ?
I believe we can never have true equality until we stop focusing on the past and differences and start working on the similarities, the future.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
If I were a boy ....
I have to say that Beyonces latest song "If I were a boy" is another piece of wonderful music, showing great talent but unfortunately feeds into the demeaning, anti male sentiment going around.
I'll explain a little, but please try to put yourself into a young mans shoes, someone vulnerable...
"But you're just a boy" To call an adult male a boy, well this is just demeaning. The fact that he may not know what that is may be because of the conflicting messages being sent by society.
"You don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl" Of course because you're male how can men have feelings ? Men are incapable of loving another human being only women can love women. Clearly not the case.
"Someday you’ll wish you were a better man"
According to who ? Who decides on what it is to be a "better" man ? A woman ? The fact that one tries to be a better person to those around them is what's important. But is that really gender specific ?
"You don’t listen to her"
That's not a gender issue, that's human nature
"You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted"
Really ? Tell that to all the men out there that like so many women suffer in silence. Suffer in silence because that's what men are supposed to do.... "take it like a man", "stop complaining", "just get on with it" or even shame, shame that their wife abuses them and they "allow" it to happen or are just not "man enough" to sort it out.
"And everything you had got destroyed"
What ? Mens lives are never destroyed by their partners actions ? Men being falsely accused by their ex partners and then being protected by the system ?
"But you're just a boy…"
The subtle message here is that men clearly can't understand what it is to be a man or woman and only a woman can do that. What gives so many women the right to make generalist claims like this, when the same sort of claims made against women are shouted down and seen as sexist and discriminatory etc ?
What gives women the right to claim that they and only they can tell men what it is to be a man ?
Maybe the feminist movement needs to step up and be accountable for the damage done to men in their formative years as a child whilst in the (generally) dominated care of women ? Is it going to help, I don't believe so because this "tit for tat" approach has got us nowhere fast to date so why continue ?
What message is being sent to the next generation of men, that you will never live up to my expectations as a woman ? That you are useless ? That those feelings you have aren't feelings and that only women can have feelings ?
What is it saying to young women ? You have to do it because men are useless ?
We all know that these views are detrimental to the gender differences we are experiencing now and people willing to speak up about the fact that it is offensive to some will be abused for doing so.
It seems that every time it looks like we are getting closer to equality, we start moving away again.
I'll explain a little, but please try to put yourself into a young mans shoes, someone vulnerable...
"But you're just a boy" To call an adult male a boy, well this is just demeaning. The fact that he may not know what that is may be because of the conflicting messages being sent by society.
"You don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl" Of course because you're male how can men have feelings ? Men are incapable of loving another human being only women can love women. Clearly not the case.
"Someday you’ll wish you were a better man"
According to who ? Who decides on what it is to be a "better" man ? A woman ? The fact that one tries to be a better person to those around them is what's important. But is that really gender specific ?
"You don’t listen to her"
That's not a gender issue, that's human nature
"You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted"
Really ? Tell that to all the men out there that like so many women suffer in silence. Suffer in silence because that's what men are supposed to do.... "take it like a man", "stop complaining", "just get on with it" or even shame, shame that their wife abuses them and they "allow" it to happen or are just not "man enough" to sort it out.
"And everything you had got destroyed"
What ? Mens lives are never destroyed by their partners actions ? Men being falsely accused by their ex partners and then being protected by the system ?
"But you're just a boy…"
The subtle message here is that men clearly can't understand what it is to be a man or woman and only a woman can do that. What gives so many women the right to make generalist claims like this, when the same sort of claims made against women are shouted down and seen as sexist and discriminatory etc ?
What gives women the right to claim that they and only they can tell men what it is to be a man ?
Maybe the feminist movement needs to step up and be accountable for the damage done to men in their formative years as a child whilst in the (generally) dominated care of women ? Is it going to help, I don't believe so because this "tit for tat" approach has got us nowhere fast to date so why continue ?
What message is being sent to the next generation of men, that you will never live up to my expectations as a woman ? That you are useless ? That those feelings you have aren't feelings and that only women can have feelings ?
What is it saying to young women ? You have to do it because men are useless ?
We all know that these views are detrimental to the gender differences we are experiencing now and people willing to speak up about the fact that it is offensive to some will be abused for doing so.
It seems that every time it looks like we are getting closer to equality, we start moving away again.
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